when there is nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire...

Sunday, May 28, 2006


today we get new appliances. we're going to replace the stove that always smells like gas, and only has 3 working burners out of 4. the 20 yr old refrigerator that no longer makes ice. the dishwasher with the rusting rack with tines that continually break off, and when running can be heard all through out the house and even outside. and finally, last but not least, the dryer that kicked the bucket last week (forcing us to use the coin-operated laundromat - the horror!).

christmas has truly come early this year; i never thought that new appliances could make a girl so happy. '50s housewife, here i come.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

tennessee valley hike

the pacific ocean

beautiful wildflowers


mom, the landscape and me.

Friday, May 19, 2006




Monday, May 08, 2006

worries, etc.

things that keep me up at night fussing about them:

whether or not i got enough boxes to pack all of my stuff
whether or not my TV will make it through storage alive
whether or not i will be able to pack all of my stuff to go home
whether or not i will be able to handle the massive amount of baggage following me home
how arielle and i are going to coordinate out packing so that we don't mix all of our crap.

if i studied enough for my exam today
if i will get my paper done by wednesday
how i will say goodbye to everyone
if i will forget to say goodbye to someone

whether or not i will get a job!!

Saturday, May 06, 2006

the "eh" philosophy

had an interesting moment of reflection the other night. a friend of mine, after watching the student theater production of rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead, started talking, then began walking and didn't stop until 2 or so hours later. in my fast paced, moment-to-moment, stressed student lifestyle, i have few moments to pause and reflect, or to just talk to someone and connect.
for the first time in months, i thought back to spring of senior year, and found myself almost completely unable to articulate how i crashed. it always sounds overdramatic, or bizarre, as if it didn't really happen, or as if i'm describing someone else. as i was laying in bed the other night, i went over in what had happened in my mind, trying to make some sense of it (as i have done numerous times, but have always failed to come to some sort of greater comprehension or understanding). i realized that my tendency towards depression has sort of evaporated since i've come to colgate, or at least i've grown out of it at any rate. i've been more content here than i think that i've ever been. i still have a lot of trouble sleeping, and i've had some trying times, but nothing even close to last spring.
in thinking about this year, and who i am now, i realize how much i've changed. it's quite dramatic, and i'm not sure yet how i feel about it (whether or not its a change for the better). all i can think is how damned ironic it is - that the same place that instigated my depression has sort of saved me, changed me, and made me feel content for the first time. going home, i can't wait to see people. i want to see everyone and socialize, try to foster that same sense of happiness that i have here.

Sunday, April 16, 2006

my liver and brain may never recover

recovering from the most outrageous weekend... well somewhat outrageous. reputation building. ending freshman year with a bang. spending the day curled up on my futon watching tv, the nights drinking on someone else's futon. setting records for highest number of lost memories (due to booze). well it may have been random, but none of it was pretending.

current favorite albums:

mates of state --- bring it back
cat power --- what would the community think
kind of like spitting --- the thrill of the hunt
eisley --- room noises
matt pond PA --- several arrows later

so waiting for monday, hoping that most of what transpired will be forgotten. somehow i have a feeling that i will be made fun of. a lot. but what are friends for... somehow though my best friends missed out on the trainwreck. maybe its for the best that they didn't have to witness that.

--- feeling like a bum is a perfect antidote for feeling like a slut ---

me and riley at the dragball for big gay weekend. at one point in the evening i was wearing an oxford shirt and a tie. i'm not sure where those went. but riley looks hott.

to do list:

--- write a postcard
--- confront
--- cut off all of my hair.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

a full rich day

today has been bizarre to say the least. something is in the water, i swear. i started off having the crappiest day of the semester, but it slowly got better with ally driving me to maxwells to get frozen yogurt, and parkside for riley's birthday. and to top it off we played mariocart for an hour. and 24 was clutch. but a lot of odd happenings are afoot, and i really don't understand.